UK Pop Charts - 6 January 2008

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Ooooohhh kaaaayyy! It’s the first official chart of 2008, and a numpty sits at the top, waiting to be toppled from his perch. Please, Gods of Music, grant me this one wish - make him disappear quickly and painlessly.

I didn’t write about the pop charts for a couple of weeks. Why? Because the top ten hasn’t changed much at all.

But don’t worry folks, there’s a spate of new releases in January that I’m counting to work like a laxative and create some movement in the top ten!

Anyway, here’s your chart:

Leon Jackson - When You Believe: Proof that God exists…and his name is Simon Cowell. Only Cowell could allow this charmless, soulless entity to have a hit single when there’s such amazing talent in the top ten.
Soulja Boy Tellem - Crank That: Soulja Boy sends my spellchecker into a frenzy of zig-zag red lines, but that’s alright - he’s the antidote to Evil Leon’s dull crooning. How many of you have learned the dance yet? Go on, be honest…
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love: She keeps bleeding, keeps keeps bleeding love. You might say she’s bleeding profusely, all over the charts. We forgive you Leona, you beautiful thing.
Timbaland ft OneRepublic - Apoligize: How fitting that OneRepublic’s Ryan Tedder has two songs side by side in the chart. The dude is responsible for Leona’s massive hit, plus this classic tune. Basically, he’s in competition with himself for ballad of 2007.
Take That - Rule The World: The only thing that would have made this a better single was if the cover had them sitting on top of the planet, laughing hard at Robbie Williams. Go on, Gary, make him beg. Make him beg.
Mark Ronson ft Amy Winehouse - Valerie: Ronson. The guy’s a god. Winehouse. She’s been missing from the last few videos she should have been in (this one and her collaboration on Mutya’s B-Boy Baby). And these days you only see her at night, fuelling speculation that she’s one of the undead.
Girls Aloud - Call The Shots: They can call the shots over me any day of the week. Well, except Sarah Harding. Or Nadine Coyle. But what they lack in sexy blonde members and sexy Derry members, they more than make up for in excellent pop music.
Nickelback - Rockstar: A shock entry into the top ten for Nickelback, but let’s welcome them with open arms. What Rockstar lacks in originality, it more than makes up for with its all-star video.
T2 ft Jodie Aysha - Heartbroken: Who’d have thought that wee chipmunk vocals would make this a surprise hit?
Alicia Keys - No One: The nation obviously missed her, because they’re still buying Alicia’s single like it was hot cakes or some similar baked goods. Despite her mission to clean up the crap in the charts, No One is an unsubtle shout-fest, but it’s great fun to shout along to. Trust me.