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…in this post, I crawl back out of the woodwork and apologise for the unforgivable gaps in posting to Unreality Music…

Feeling sheepish folks, because I lost the thrill of new music there for a little while, despite a passable enough Top 40. So, now I’m back, and we’re all friends again, here’s my take on the latest UK pop chart:

1. Ting Tings - That’s Not My Name: The Ting Tings, hotly tipped for big successes this year have scored a #1 with their second single, knocking the venerable Madonna from the spot. Uber annoying, but dead catchy, this was a cert to get #1.
2. Rihanna - Take A Bow: Little Miss Rihanna comes up with a song (and video) that could be a perfect sequel to Beyonce’s Irreplacable. Yes, she’s kicking asses to curbs and all that sort of thing.
3. Madonna ft Justin - 4 Minutes: Does anyone else get this mixed up with So Solid Crew’s 21 Seconds? I do. I’d love to hear some kind of mash-up of the two.
4. Will.I.Am ft Cheryl Cole - Heartbreaker: Even though this got a positive review, we had no idea it would still be in the Top 10 after all this time. It’s lifted Will.I.Am’s solo career in the UK and possibly propelled Mrs Cole into a position where she no longer needs Girls Aloud.
5. Wiley - Wearing My Rolex: Still lovin’ this song - it’s so perfectly sleazy and well…grimey. Try singing it in a northern accent though - it’ll take on a whole new complexion.
6. Sam Sparro - Black & Gold: It is written that sometimes a shitty song will enter the charts and stay there for a long time. This is such a track, and it fills me with venom every time the radio  plays it.
7. Usher ft Young Jeezy - Love In This Club: After years of trying, Usher finally makes it on to Unreality Music’s Christmas Card list with this excellent R&B anthem. Love it.
8. Coldplay - Violet Hill: After years of trying, Chris and Gwyneth make it onto Unreality Music’s Christmas Card list with this bluesy change in musical direction. Now stop naming your kids after fruit and we can maybe do lunch luvvies.
9. Estelle ft Kanye West - American Boy: You know my feelings on this one. Just f-flippin’ brilliant. Anyone know what Estelle says just before Kanye’s second rap comes in?
10. September - Cry For You: Equal to Sam Sparro for being awful. The musical equivalent of some DJ eating a collection of records from the 80’s and vomiting up the worst bits.