Anyway, apparently the video for Lovegame is causing palpitations among the guardians of public decency that are the censorship bodies. Well, GaGa has stepped things up a notch – she’s gone from ‘I’ll get him hard, show him what I’ve got’ in Poker Face to essentially wanting to ride his disco stick. Well, it’d be a shame to waste it, wouldn’t it?

In fairness, sometimes I think Lady GaGa boils down to essentially blonde hair and prominent lycra gusset. Which is what Madonna was a few years ago. I’m not sure the look works for either – GaGa has a shop mannequin look that’s sometimes hard to find sexy.

If I could fix [Lady GaGa] up with anybody else in the charts right now, Brandon from The Killers has compatibly strange dress sense – could you imagine their combined walk-in wardrobe? Wow.

And whaddaya know, the two of them performed at last night’s Brit Awards honouring pop octogenarians the Pet Shop Boys. Their shared love of wacky stagewear and synthesised keyboard-music brought them together after all.

Now, let’s keep our fingers crossed for a little lycra-clad baby (Lady Flowers?) with feather covered shoulder pads. You read it here first!

Following up her hot debut single, Lady Gaga gives us Poker Face. If the song’s lyrics weren’t so damned smutty, I’d be rolling jokes about ‘poke her face’ right now. But she’s taken all the fun out of mocking the title. Damn you, Gaga!

A bit like Just Dance, this one took a little while to grow on me. The gurgling synth sounds are fast becoming a Lady Gaga trademark along with an addiction to lycra that would make Madonna blush.

But where Just Dance was about a slightly hedonistic ‘off yer face but having fun’ lifestyle, Poker Face is a thinly veiled tune about sex. Not about playing cards, although advertising opportunities with gambling websites should no doubt arise from this. Or with Facebook, if she plays the ‘poke her face’ angle.

The lyrics are pure, brilliant, filth: “I wanna roll with him, a hard pair we will be,” and “I’m bluffin’ with my muffin” being among the highlights.

The video’s a freaky piece of work, with GaGa playing her taste in tight-fitting apparel and oddball eye-wear to serious extremes. In some shots, she’s cute as a button, in others scary as hell. If I could fix her up with anybody else in the charts right now, Brandon from The Killers has compatibly strange dress sense – could you imagine their combined walk-in wardrobe? Wow.

Overall though, the effect is great. The song has an anthemic quality, alternating between a growly, distorted verse and an irresistible chorus. While every tabloid editor is focussed on GaGa’s big pants, they should maybe focus on the music for a wee while. This is good stuff.

Yes, I realise that Lady Gaga’s debut is long-since released, number one-d and on its way down the charts again. But I never reviewed it, and now I feel bad :(

You see, over the past fortnight, I’ve totally fallen in love with Just Dance. From Lady G’s rallying call of “red wi-ine” at the start to the brilliant lyric that is “I love this record baby, but I can’t see straight anymore”.

Is it an anthem? I’m beginning to suspect it it.

As for the lady herself, there’s no denying that Gaga is a slightly trashier version of Christina Aguilera, right down to those big doe eyes. And as for the video, well we’ve seen plenty of house parties in pop videos before, but why does this one remind me of a sinister version of one of Mika’s videos?

Anyway, top bloody marks to Gaga and her mate Colby O’Donis (surely not an Irish name?) for an excellent debut single. She’s got our attention now, hasn’t she? Can’t wait to see what comes next!