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Alright, forgetting about Can’t Speak French for a moment, why has no-one noticed that Nadine Coyle has been replaced by a cyborg? Come on, are you ignoring the increasingly robotic movements in Girls Aloud videos, or the fact that she no longer goes on reality TV expeditions with the gals?

I’m only mentioning this for a talking point - is Nadine the killjoy of the group? I mean “I only do stuff to promote Girls Aloud” What the hell? It’s not like they’re U2 for God’s sake - they’re a tease act, like the Pussycat Dolls only paler. And with better songs.

Which is where we come to Can’t Speak French. As Steve says, it lacks a certain something. Like a chorus. While I loved the atmosphere of Call The Shots, this tune and its companion video are all a wee bit vapid. Airheaded.

Now, you folks know I have nothing against pop music that says nothing. But it’s got to be catchy and listenable. Can’t Speak French just doesn’t lodge itself in my head like other GA songs do. Even the video is preposterous, with the girls decked out like too-slutty rejects from the Moulin Rouge. And if Cheryl What’s-Her-Surname-Today does that blinky-pouty combination to the camera again I will personally slap her criticise her in a blog post.

So, Can’t Speak French is neither Girls Aloud’s best nor worst single. But when you consider how seriously Nadine ‘all about the music’ Coyle is taking herself at the moment, it looks like the clock is ticking on the group’s career. I’d hate for this to be their swansong after years of brilliant pop.

Can’t Speak French is released on 17 March 2008 and is the third single from Girls Aloud’s Tangled Up album.