Dammit. Two of the most aggressive females in rawk, mark my words. These two ladies will steal your boyfriend, have their wicked way with him, then eat him and throw away the bones.

But how would they fare against each other? That’s the question we’ve been asking all through March, and though both girls were neck and neck for a couple of weeks, Paramore’s Hayley Williams came out tops. Guess the people chose substance over style in the end…

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With a name like Alphabeat, you sort of expect a b-grade dance act. What you get is so much better. Fascination is one of those happy tracks that unearths the best cheesy pop of the 1980’s and runs with it as if the last two decades never happened.

The Manchester Evening News namechecks Wham!, Chic and the B-52’s in their review. Knowing that the B-52’s were releasing some new material, I assumed that this was it.

Fascination is…

Let’s be honest with each other, readers. It’s just a bloody good, upbeat, happy song. There’s no point in trying to intellectualise it or pontificate. Alphabeat are making great pop music. Instant classic. Thumbs up. ‘Nuff said.

Blunty continues to plumb the depths of wrist-slashingly dull ballads with his newest single, Carry You Home. You know the worst bit? This song is supposed to be special to him and yet he still sings it in that strange falsetto that has me reaching for knitting needles to stick in my eardrums. (Don’t try that at home people, just call your local branch of the James Blunt Is Making Me Suicidal Society)

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You’ve got to admire the sheer nerve of Fragma - they’ve been re-mixing and re-releasing Toca’s Miracle since the original came out in 2000. But that’s alright in my book, because it’s simply one of the best damn dance tracks ever.

The 2008 reworking is probably a much slicker effort, but the beats are a little more restrained and the vocals aren’t quite as dramatic as Coco’s original. I suppose it’s like when you’re familiar with the original version of a song, no cover version can quite match up to it.

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The Futureheads are one of the plethora of Indie bands that splurged onto the scene a few years ago and I’m not ashamed to say I can’t tell them apart from all the other guitar-wielding Indie kids of the time. Other chart watchers seem more familiar with them though, and they seem to think their sound isn’t what it was.

Sometimes having no point of reference is a good thing, though. Because I can’t thumb my nose at The Beginning Of The Twist. It’s a riotous slab of Indie-rock and no mistake, guv.

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Alright, forgetting about Can’t Speak French for a moment, why has no-one noticed that Nadine Coyle has been replaced by a cyborg? Come on, are you ignoring the increasingly robotic movements in Girls Aloud videos, or the fact that she no longer goes on reality TV expeditions with the gals?

I’m only mentioning this for a talking point - is Nadine the killjoy of the group? I mean “I only do stuff to promote Girls Aloud” What the hell? It’s not like they’re U2 for God’s sake - they’re a tease act, like the Pussycat Dolls only paler. And with better songs.

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West London’s Estelle manages to score a home run by getting Kanye West to collaborate and will.i.am to twiddle the knobs on this funky, funky track.

Estelle has been lurking around the lower reaches of the pop chart for a few years now. However, her musical releases have been inconsistent enough that she hasn’t hit the mainstream…until now.

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We were not expecting this. A few years ago, the Observer Music Magazine was trumpeting Guillemots as the next big thing. Thing is, they never really hit the mainstream. And judging by how absurdly offbeat they are, I didn’t really expect them to hit the mainstream anyway.

And the story should end there. Except they went and unexpectedly released Get Over It.

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I won’t be the first blogger to point out the similarity between I Shall Overcome and Robbie Williams’ No Regrets. It’s Richard Archer’s phrasing of the chorus line “I shall oh-ver-come” that does it, but once you notice it, every subsequent listen of the song is slightly marred.

Another thing that other reviewers complain about with I Shall Overcome is the difference between this and the previous two tracks Hard-Fi released. Yes, it’s got that grim vibe to it, but I think there’s something epic in the chorus and the orchestration.

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Someone needs to give Mariah Carey lessons in sexy. I was but a lad in 1990 when Mariah first hit the scene and quickly became the biggest diva in the world. There was no-one else quite like her.

Then, when her marriage (of convenience) to record label boss Tommy Motola (filthy control freak) went sour, she decided to have a bit of a raunchy makeover. However, Mariah crossed the line to the point where her music serves to showcase her boobies instead of her phenomenal vocal range.

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